I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
