Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
