I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
