really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
