It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Randomize
