i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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