I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Randomize
