Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
