How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
farters have to be the big spoon...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
