think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
