I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
