this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
