bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
