Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
