Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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