I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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