just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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