You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
