WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
