Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you would pick up someone in the library
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
