So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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