how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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