We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
