Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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