Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
