Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
