I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
