there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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