dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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