Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Your dad touched me again.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
