i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Help. Why am I so naked?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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