Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
