so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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