So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
