ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
