So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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