the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
