Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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