Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
