Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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