i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
