He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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