Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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