I love black thongs
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
