it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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