hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
