There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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