And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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