he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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