Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
