paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
